so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
