Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
