my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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