How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
