found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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