This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize