Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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