Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
