And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
