He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
