I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
