Pants 0. Shit 1.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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