dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
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