Just cropdusted the office
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Randomize
