i permit you to call me
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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