Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
