Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
She's the barista slut.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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