There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize