Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Can you bring me the toilet please
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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