No awkward lesbian experiences without me
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
