I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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