he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
