just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
