So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
