We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
