hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
