Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Success! We fucked roommates!
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
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