I think i peed on brittanys purse
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I could fuck to npr.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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