i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
no you cant smoke seaweed
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
