I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
He had one of those small greek statue penises
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
This show inspires me to have sex in space
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
