proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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