I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
