my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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