i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Randomize
