His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
