Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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