I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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