Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
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