I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
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Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
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Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.