I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.