She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition