Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
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