Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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