I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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