I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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