I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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