I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
