i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
