it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
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