just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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