i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
