so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
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