just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
