I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
