that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
