all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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