Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
