this must be what syphilis tastes like
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
