lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
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